What's With All The Dust?

I have not been updating. Sad, yes. True, absolutely. I've been busy with shake-ups, shake-downs, shake-arounds, and, well, Life. And before I launch into what is probably going to be a steady two months of posting before I go on another hiatus, I would like to say a few things to clear up any confusion.

1. This blog is no longer affiliated with Old Editions Bookshop. As of right now I am still the manager of said shop, but this is only until my own store opens. You may look me (and my lovely associates) up online under the heading SpeakEasyBooks. Currently, we have an Amazon store and an eBay presence. All purchases made help fund our eventual brick and mortar shop. When that store opens this blog will hopefully revert back to a smattering of "weird things found in books." Until then, you're going to have to put up with my weird stories.

2. I am an artist, and I am (something of) a writer. For years my friends have been telling me to combine these two things and create a web comic. I am still undecided in this endeavor; however, I have been going through some of my old sketch journals, and I've selected a few stories that I am probably going to adapt in some fashion or another. Most of these stories revolving around dating. I think this will be a perfect place to hammer out some ideas.

3. That's it. I just wanted to use a number format.

Huzzah!

No Pool Needed

"Marco!" 

There are many things that make me cringe, but where do I go to get them all in one place? The internet, duh. Just check out any YouTube comment thread. They're just loaded with great anecdotes. And if you still haven't had your fill of poorly-typed letter/number combinations passing themselves off as words, I recommend Yahoo Answers. You'll read a couple then hit yourself. As I did after looking up "who came up with the idea for Marco Polo the game?"

Fun in the (Presence of) Sun

Being in a movie is fun. Rehearsal is fun. Taking an online History of Women in Sports class is fun. Work is fun. Art is fun. Life is...

Wait for it.

I've been keeping myself busy. I've quickly learned that Summer is not the time to overload yourself with activities--extracurricular and the like; although, I hear those same words come out of my mouth every year at this time, and they fail to sink in. "Summer is for vacationing. Summer is for fun." Fun, for everyone's favorite Lonely Bookman, is welcoming the chaos of multiple projects. My mind works better when it's rolling around in four-to-five schools of thought. It keeps things active, fresh. Plus, imagine complaining to friends that you're too popular and sought after? Right, right. I get it. No such thing.

I haven't found anything incredibly interesting lately. Lots of grocery lists, lots of blank paper. I have been overrun with books that are falling apart, which equals ideas for book-related, art projects. I am a sucker for an easily manipulated picture.

Maybe they called him 'Silent Cal' because he had trouble with our language?

This summer, posting will be sporadic. I'll be tending to the aforementioned whilst trying desperately to reconnect with old friends. My hope is that by the end of August you and I will both have incredible stories to tell and finished projects we can talk about/enjoy for the remainder of 2012. So go to the beach, read a ton of books, paint a picture, adopt a pet, join a club, take up a sport, check out a couple concerts, relax...

Just have fun. However you define it.

Summer Vacation

         "Uh, nothing much. Just hung out with some of my friends."

A 140 Character, New World

"...and when she was all, like, 'Hey, no! No need to worry. I'm just 'tweeting' with some friends.' I let it go, by Crom, I let it go. And why? Because she was my Bilberry, that's why. Then one day this little bluebird shows up with a letter in its beak that reads: 'Leif im sry but um br8king up wit U.' Can you believe that? I think I'd find the technology more incredible if my ass didn't just get dumped."

The Great Summer Reading List

Ah, Summer, what strange tidings you bring. Inappropriate clothing choices, sandals (which I just bought), and vacations. Oh, and let us not forget The Summer Reading List: that epic, publishing house-inspired showcase of titles guaranteed to give you something to talk about well into the winter months. You might suspect that because I work within a warehouse of classic books, I am immune to these kinds of lists but that isn't the case. I'm as much a sucker as the next nerd, but I can't complain. The whole world told me to read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Into The Woods and the whole world had a point.
     This year, however, will be different. I've decided to start--what I'm charmingly referring to as--my "Alpha Beta Book List." What is the Alpha Beta? It's simple. I begin by choosing a work of fiction from an author whose last name begins with A. When I've finished, I then chose an author whose last name begins with B and so on and so forth. My goal is to complete the alphabet by the end of the summer.
     I've been reading a lot of nonfiction lately, so I'm going to restrict my choices to novels and plays. Graphic novels and comic trade will not count towards the list for one reason only: I read those all the time and I can't imagine going a couple months without. Plus, they're so quick. And wonderful. And imaginative. And...oh, yes, getting back to the list...Once a book has been read, I will mark it so at the bottom of the blog in my "Books Read" section. Please feel free to start your own Alpha Beta or tell me what's on your list for the summer.

The first book has already been read: Douglas Adams' A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy and what an enjoyable read it was. I must confess to having seen the movie before I read the book, but I thoroughly enjoyed it anyway. Sam Rockwell's Zaphod Beeblebrox is quite remarkable.

"Cool? You bet. But The Lonely Bookman's got me beat."

An Entry For The Readers of Tomorrow!

People love to add annotations to their books: it cements the "see, see, these books are mine and I've read them!" quality to a fine collection. These quotes usually revolve around the story, but in my searching I've found passages that explain the day, the surroundings, who the reader was with when they finished the story, etc. They're one-line, journal entries that are purely esoteric, and I'm guilty of this myself.
     Some customers are put off by this, and I can understand why: if you buy a collectible book at a collectible price, the book should be in collectible condition. It's a kick to both hemispheres of the brain to approach a sought after book--one that looks amazing--only to open it and find "Wally finally got over being sick two days before we got to the beach." Exception are made, of course, if the side notes are penned by someone of note.
     I enjoy finding annotations in non-collectible copies of books (they're called "reading" copies in bookese) because it makes sifting through book after book more interesting; Annotations add an additional story to something that's already a story. "This book existed before you picked it up. It's got history, man. This book has been places." In giving the book an added legacy like a set of emotions, we get to use the phrase "pathetic fallacy"when describing it, and why would you not want to use the word "pathetic fallacy?" If I were seventeen and emo was still cool and/or relevant, I would start a band with that name. "My guitar would shout* misplaced teen-angst unto the world."
   

Today's find is more of journal entry than a quote, and like an entry it's both personal and oddly entertaining. The previous owner describes the setting where the book was presented to him, the conversation that prompted the meeting, and even the weather. 

*Yet another example of pathetic fallacy.

Fun With Failed Prophecies

Great books pose great questions; bad books are hilarious.

In fairness, I have never read this book. It may be the answer to all life's questions or the solution to leveling off the kitchen table, I can't say? If I'm making an educated guess, I'd say it deals with prophecies--specifically Doomsday prophecies--that thankfully have failed to come true.
     On page four (the first and only page I checked out) the second paragraph starts:

"Who Built The Great Pyramids?

Some have declared that the monument's designer was a survivor of sunken Atlantis..." 

Atlantis? Atlantis? A sunken survivor of Atlantis? Out of all possible explanations, the first one given links the Great Pyramid of Giza to Atlantis? Yeeeesh.

Beware The Gutter In ALLIGATOR ALLEY

If there is a theme present--and I'm not referring to the lack of posts--it's comic book images. Why? Next weekend is the The Buffalo Niagara International Antiquarian Book, Paper & Ephemera Fair at the Convention Center in downtown Buffalo, and, for the past week, I've been bagging and boarding comics to present at the show.
     Most of the titles are DC and while I'm not a fan of the story arcs, I do love the artwork.

Just check out this issue of The Unexpected. The title constricts the image just a wee bit, but, overall, it's a good composition--a classic circular "X" shape with your eye zeroing in on a snarly, half-human/half-alligator and a scantily clad maiden to lead the focus up, around, and finally back down to the swamp.

I also like that everything in the background is in a brown-wash. It helps to bring the alligator/woman out of the background.


Ah, the conference papers one could write about this; the nerdy jokes one could resort to if we ignored that it's just complete, throw-away fiction. The whole point of the cover is to interest you enough to buy it, and I feel that this image raises enough questions to warrant, at least, a look-through. Why is that beautiful woman in that swamp? Do alligator men just bench press the hotties and eat the ugs? Was she living in that van? Why does that alligator in the background not appear violent and human-like? Why is his tail so long?

Or maybe the whole thing is a metaphor for...

                                                                        ..."parking?"

You know what I'm talkin' about.

Bow Chi-ca Growl Growl.

The Evil Eye

I sometimes wish that bad guys--real life bad guys--dressed the way comic book super-villains do. Imagine sitting at your desk, staring out into the glory that is "the outside world," only to have a giant, motorcycle riding Eyeball zoom by your window. Ignore the shock to your senses and tell me that you wouldn't assume they were up to no good?

And don't even get me started on the laughter.

Think of the laughter!

                     
It's got to be so hard coming up with villains. Orby here is a Ghost Rider baddie, hence the reason he's riding a motorcycle and, while comic-dom is no stranger to walking eyes, laser eyes, floating eyes, and the like, this kind of enemy is really a hard sell.
     I love lame bad guys; however, if for no other reason than the lampooning of said bad guy. A few years and a lifetime ago, Marvel was releasing a series Spider-Man's Tangled Web that focused more on the people Spider-Man affected, rather than the hero himself. And while most of the stories ended on something of a down-note, "lamer" villain stories were often written like they couldn't have been in the first place: as a parody.

So, for all my fellow nerds out there, if you haven't checked out Spider-Man's Tangled Web I recommend doing so. "Double Shots" is a favorite (as it got me into the series), but I am a fan of the whole 22-issue run.

And remember...

The "Magic" of Books

I have a confession. 

For a long time I've been haunted by a gift. And before you start trying to recall what you got me for the Holidays, I want to ease your worry and assure you that it's not a material possession I fear, but a being possessed! And that being...is me. 

Kra-ka-da-booooooooom!

A couple years ago I was bitten by a demonic book and given an extraordinary power. If I focus all of my energies on a damage, unsalable book, I can change said book into a more pleasing item. Allow me to demonstrate:

Amazing, right? Hmph. You don't know anything about "curses." That's right, curse. I mean, if you were given a magic power and the only thing you could do with it was change old, ratty books into things that you could blog about, what would you call that? Laughable? That's what they called my "gift" last year at the 2011 International Wizard/Warlock Meet-Up and Rummage Sale. There are people there that can telepathically communicate with animals. I can change books into things. No, scratch that. I can turn books into pieces of ephemera and ONLY if I blog about them. It's such a tease, and it impresses no one. 

No one. 

Hmph. Well, anyway...

The Erlanger Theatre exists no more but for a long time served as Buffalo's only professional theatre. Everything I'd be able to tell you about it's history has already been told (and done so much better) here, so, go ahead, I'll wait if you want to read up on it and come back. Done? Pretty interesting, eh? Especially that part about Erlanger being abducted by aliens. 

The playbill I found is from November 1931, and it features Maude Adams & Otis Skinner in "The Merchant of Venice." It's full of great, local ads and it even has articles (that relate to products) like "Is Plastic Surgery New?," "Are You Hat Conscious?," and "Murdocke of London Says--." There's also a little promo in the back that announces the Ziegfeld Follies as a coming attraction. 

My Prices Are So Low...It's Criminal!

"Alright, ya dope, tell me where all the deals are before I plugs ya!"

Guns and shoes, shoes and guns. They go together like toast and jam. Honestly, I can't think of a way to ask Mom for a new pair of kicks without glorifying firearms. Maybe it's my country upbringing?

I believe this paper gun, at one time, had a paper trigger which caused a paper George Washington (I am really not kidding right now) to pop out of the barrel and make a snapping sound. Jeezy Creeze, this is far too funny. "Unamerican?! Son, I'll have you know I load my gun with bullets resembling our first President!" What could be more patriotic than that? Wait, wait, don't think about it. Your brain will start screaming that it's finally had enough. The answer is: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Little boys love guns and George Washington. That's all you need to know.

Don't Spend It All In One Place

"Ah, man. Are these the new hundreds? Lame."

Money, Money, Money, Mah-nay! Mah-naaaaaay!

Yeah, relax. This treasury note is worth about as much as The Death of Superman Comic (zing! nerd joke). It's a reproduction note that's made to look old. If it was real it wouldn't have those margins...and say "copy" at the bottom right. That's fairly glaring.

Still, I got a little excited when I found it. It was tucked away inside an older Civil War book (which, I'm positive, added to said excitement) and when you're used to finding news clippings, subscription cards, and Borders bookmarks, anything with a slight variance can send even the most even keeled of men into an unabashed frenzy. Can anyone say "easily excitable?" I can't. I don't know the meaning of the words.

What's interesting about this reproduction is that there was supposedly a need to make the reproduction. Is it possible that the want to collect Virginia Treasury Notes became so great that it warranted the printing of cheap look-a-likes? It's doubtful. If I had to guess, I'd say that this note (and others like it) was sold off the impulse rack at the local Civil War gift shop. It's an item that's aimed at a certain group and not mass marketed to the general population. Your local big box chain will only sell these if they're printed on a pencil. Similarly, you may also find these at Historical Societies, coin shops, and on the interwebs.

Or in old books, I suppose.

A Little Bit of Non-Fiction Relating To That Which Is Considered Pulp Fiction

"Two Complete Science-Adventure Books." Why waste time being unnecessarily vague when you can tell people exactly what they're getting within the title? Do you like Science? How about Adventure? Well, you should check out this title.

Pulps are wonderful finds for a number of different reasons; pulp art is, in my humblest of opinions, one of the main reasons why these publications remain so popular. Like penny dreadfuls (great name, right? LOVE it!), dime novels, and pre-code comic books, these periodicals were not made to be kept. For ten to twenty-five cents you could purchase, read, and then dispose of said magazine before the elements did it for you. Pulps were so named because of the quality of paper they were printed on. They tanned very easily, came shoddily cut, and went brittle within a couple of years.
     Many of the stories used had been or were also printed elsewhere. The Time Machine (Hey, wasn't that a muh-muh-movie?) was published almost fifty years before this pulp hit the newsstands, so the text was already more common than, say, the artwork. Each time a publishing company circulated a story, they employed an artist to paint a new cover for it. Spice it up, you know? It's so much easier to sell the same story over and over and over if you supplement it with new imagery. Comic book fans have fallen prey to this hundreds of times. Why do you think they reprint the same comic book a dozen times--the same month it comes out--with a dozen different cover images? Because they're jerks. Greedy jerks. Because it's easier to sell multiples of the same thing when the art is different. And they've got to do something because they've ruined their own collector's market by flooding said market with overpriced garbage.

Vintage Pulps, even in Fair or Poor condition, fascinate me because they're not supposed to still exist. They were made to be thrown away, and that makes them truly collectible.

Side Note: Stay tuned for my newest comic book creation: Penny Dreadful. A comic book that will never feature multiple covers for the same issue.

A Blog Post About Cookbooks and Bonus Recipes

Cookbooks--old and new alike--always come with a bonus. Occasionally I'll find a recipe card bookmark in a novel, but it's far more common to find not one or two or three but dozens of cards stuffed inside used cookbooks. And it's perfect, really. I'm to the point where if I don't come across one I assume the book was never used.
     Recipe cards are a boring find. They're straightforward; they're predictable, and, even though they're in someone's handwriting, it's very possible to find the exact same recipe in a book or on a website. However, because of the handwriting they remain one of the things that I wish I could give back to the previous owner. It's a wonderful thing to be able to go through your Grandmother's old recipes, find something that you want to make, and then try desperately to decipher what she meant by "take it out when the coil pops three times steady." It may feel like you're suffering through making that meatloaf together!

Hand-written, recipe cards are becoming a thing of the past. Sure it's possible to find them in old books (see above paragraph), but when's the last time you wrote one? I know that I went through a phase about five years ago where I felt the need to document some of my funnier recipes (see old blog post), but I would never sit down and record every, single recipe that I have floating around in my head. Why? Because I have the internet. And that, as majestical as it can sometimes be, has made me lazy. If I want to know how to make an appetizer that will impress my friend's friends, I'm just going to type "I want an appetizer that will impress my friend's friends" into the almighty Google. Something will come up. Something always comes up. All hail, Google.
     So when you're trading in the family cookbook collection for something more modern, take the recipes out of the books. They're a great testament to what your relatives had to do if they wanted one to stay handy, and they're a nice keepsake to pass down to your kid's kids. Who else is going to write down that info for them? Google? Not yet, anyway.

Not yet.

Don't Do This

Act I

A man sets foot inside a gigantic bookstore and looks around quizzically before walking upstage to a wooden, sales counter. A lonely bookman is seated behind a desk that is piled high with all different types of books. Music, by Vivaldi, is playing faintly in the background. These two men are the only two people in the store, at present. 


Man (forcefully) : You buy books?

Bookman : That depends. What kind of books have you got?

     The Man reaches into his backpack and removes a very good condition History book. 


Man : Interested?

Bookman (without hesitation): No, I'm sorry. We're only interested in local history at the moment.

Man : Come on, man? Ten bucks? Cheap.

Bookman : No, I'm sorry.

Man : Come on?! Five bucks? Pause Two bucks?

Bookman : I'm not interested right now.

Man (angrily) : Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?

Bookman : Have you already read the book?

Man : No.

Bookman : You could read it.

Man : I don't want to read it. Looks around, frantic You got a garbage can?

Bookman (surprise) : What?

Man : I'm just gonna get rid of it.

Bookman : Look, man, what you do with your book is of no business of mine, but I'm not going to let you put it in my trash can.

Man : Why?

Bookman (crying huge tears on the inside) : Just donate it somewhere.

Man : I'm sick of carrying it around.

Bookman (dying inside) : Again, I can't tell you what to do with it, but it is a bit offensive if you throw it away in front of me.

Man : Why?

Bookman (crushing emotions down into a tiny ball) : Numerous reasons. Lots of reasons. Can you please just donate it somewhere?

Man Exits.

I won't always be able to buy your books, but, if you bring a few in and that ends up being the case, please don't threaten to throw them away in front of me. 

Spin Spin Sugar

Yeah, that's right, I rock the vinyl. And you best bet I'm gonna be rockin' the club tonight when I roll up on two rims with this: Little Golden Records (featuring The Sandpiper Chorus) "O Christmas Tree/Joy To The World." So before a punk points out "that it ain't Christmas," I want to point out that this record is as relevant as it is yellow. Dig?

Sooooo, yeah, a whole 45. Normally I find receipts, ads, junk...but today I definitely found an entire record lurking inside an old magazine. Which is kind of funny, right? I can't tell you how many times I've attempted to mark my place and the only thing available to mark my spot was a 45. Or the record just "accidently" found its way into the issue. More probable but not nearly as funny. That is why we're going to stick with the bookmark answer.

And while we're on the topic of records, I think it's fair to ask what it is that you listen to, oh, great peoples of the interwebs? Me? I enjoy anything that makes me want to create art. Which has significantly narrowed down my list of recommendations over the past ten years. It's not like it was when I was in High School and I just dug it if it was angst-ridden. Now I crave this foolish (and highly subjective) thing known as "substance." Who listens for substance? Answer: Someone who appreciates "art," a.k.a Snobs.

So here it is, these things that I can't bring myself to stop listening to. Some of these CDs* have even been spinning for years on end.

In no particular order:

1. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes - Up From Below (Not only is this the perfect album to paint to, it's also the perfect soundtrack to have playing when you realize it's gorgeous out and you should be outside)
2. Laura Marling - Anything (No, that isn't the name of the album. I literally mean Anything she's done. Ever.)
3. Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer (She has my life. A weird thing to admit, but she married one of my favorite authors, and she's so creative. So creative and so incredibly talented. So now you understand.)
4. The Kills - Midnight Boom (Last Day of Magic is, hands down, one of the best songs I've ever heard. I've listened to it hundreds of times. And so have my friends. And my roommates. And my neighbors. Sorry?)
5. Kelli Ali - Psychic Cat (I thought I loved her when she was with the Sneaker Pimps, but I was kidding myself. Both acts got better when they went their separate ways.)
6. Sneaker Pimps - Becoming X (Totally, completely, and tragically underrated. From the very first song you're hooked.)
7. Spoon - Gimmie Fiction (The whole album is great, but the lyrics to "I Summon You" are without fault. Plus, it's impossible not to bump up and down to "I Turn My Camera On.")
8. Fiona Apple - Everything. (Again, not an album title. I just mean Everything.)
9. Nine Inch Nails - With Teeth (I've been revisiting a lot of albums lately. NIN is still one of my favorite bands of all time.)
10. Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness (Maybe the only album I own that sums up my teenage mindset while still allowing me to dream of great things to come.)

I could go on. 

*Stands for Compact Disc. These have been replaced by little magicians that live inside your iPod and telepathically play whatever you have selected in your catalog. It takes three magicians to achieve this, hence, (M)agicians (P)erforming in Threes. MP3s. 

Days of Free Tickets and Tops Markets

If I win I'm gonna go crazy, I'm gonna jump up and down, I'm gonna tell all a' mah friends, I'm gonna...wait, when does this expire? August of 1982? Damn it. Well, what are the odds that Tops would still honor this? What? The Three Coins Restaurant is no longer around? Double Damn.

This ticket made me laugh. On one of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons, Bart rents a car and decides to travel cross-country with Milhouse, Nelson, and Martin. Their destination? The World's Fair. Along the way they pass by a club whose featured guest is Andy Williams. Nelson, the "bully", is so taken that he has to stop and watch.

Did I really need to tell you that Nelson is the bully of the show? Of course I didn't. Why? Well, because you're so great! And when I win these tickets* guess who I'm taking? That's right!

SIDETRACK:

I do this a lot. I list something, and I get sidetracked--one of the reasons I have trouble posting daily. But I have a question to ask all of you native Buffalonians:

Who won?

Stores advertise contests all the time, but who wins? Someone must. Maybe you know them? Maybe you know someone who knew them through someone? I don't know, but I'd like to know.

Where'd ya'll find it: Inside Michael Harrison's Fire From Heaven: A Study of Human Combustion in Human Beings. (Why was there a need to say "Human Combustion" and "Human Beings?")


*Disclaimer: Tickets will only be obtained through time-travel. If time-travel is not present at the time of blog posting, it never will be. It's paradoxical. It's best to hope for robotics.

Remember! You Must Remember!

"Stop judging and you will not be judged." A simple enough statement, but one that has been largely ignored in...well, every single decade ever.

Shameless Plug #2

                     Yes, friends, the time has come, yet again, for me to exploit your readership. 

Manny Fried's The Elegy For Stanley Gorksi

March 15th thru April 7th: Thursday, Friday, & Saturdays at 8:00 pm

at

The Manny Fried Playhouse/Subversive Theater 

We are located inside the Great Arrow Building on Great Arrow Street. 

On behalf of this wonderful cast, I'd like to extend a welcome to any and all interested in seeing our show.   And, if you can't make it, if your schedule's so full that you can't allot the time to have your world rocked by a cast of Political Theatre's finest, then spread the word. Shout it from the rooftops.

Your favorite Lonely Bookman--and his wonderful cast (did I mention wonderful?)--thanks you.